Don’t Judge Me!
I’ve always said that I didn’t want to be judged. I don’t want to be pre-judged, post-judged or anything in between. Conversely, I do seem to seek approval of others and that would mean that judgment of some kind needs to take place. In looking deeper into this paradox, I have to admit that I actually do want to be judged in all the ways I claimed that I did not. The thing is that I want to control the judgment. I want to be judged as attractive, friendly, honest, strong, wise and to have many of the other qualities that I have striven to exemplify. I feel that if I’m seen this way, I’m doing a good job as a person because these are qualities that everyone strives for. I found that I worked very hard to appear to be this “flawless” person at the expense of being a “real” person. I would hide or ignore my “undesirable” traits and chide myself for having them. The problem with that approach is that I always felt as if I had a darkness in me that would always be there and always deny me peace. Lazy, fearful, hateful, selfish… If someone saw one of these traits, I would proclaim “Don’t judge me!” with a passion driven from the horror of being seen as the opposite of who I was trying be. Seeing the part of me that I hated. An interesting side effect of this way of thinking was that I was VERY quick to condemn people whom I judged to have these “negative” traits.
I’ve come to realize that I am the sum of my parts and that sum is good. Through my laziness, I learned to appreciate the results of hard work and a job well done. Through my fear, I learned there was nothing to be afraid of. Through my hate, I found the value and limitlessness of love. Through my selfishness, I learned the joy of giving. I could go on and on but my point is that every single experience that I’ve had, good or bad, has made me what I am today. I found that the practice of loving 100% of myself has brought peace and joy to my life. I still have bouts of judgment but my rule for myself and all people now is to love first, judge second.
do you mean “judge” in the verb sense or noun sense?
As I often find that our “common” use of words do not illustrate the depth of our actual meaning:
for example to “arrive at a conclusion based on evidence or reasoning” does not sound like “judgement” in the actual sense of the words’ meaning(s): that said I personally don’t care what others think about me and continue onward with my wit and passions well in tact not to mention a very high level of self respect: these traits though ostensibly mistaken for narcissism render outside evaluation; (when one truly believes in one’s self) ludicrous: by no means demeaning though of little to no importance…
when you believe in yourself; do so with aplomb and a good heart then no one is capable of “judging” you; does this make sense to you? it does to me so I don’t mind if no one “get’s it”! Eck
Hi Eric,
The road to self-worth has many paths. Apparently, your path was the birth canal…lol Seriously though, this is just my story of how I’m coming to see myself in a different way. As your baby brother, I have always envied you for your strong sense of who you are. It’s something that’s taken me quite a while to cultivate for myself. I appreciate the journey, though.
Oh, and I meant “judge” as a verb and I choose it for that exact meaning. 🙂