27 Mar

Don’t Judge Me!


I’ve always said that I didn’t want to be judged. I don’t want to be pre-judged, post-judged or anything in between. Conversely, I do seem to seek approval of others and that would mean that judgment of some kind needs to take place. In looking deeper into this paradox, I have to admit that I actually do want to be judged in all the ways I claimed that I did not. The thing is that I want to control the judgment. I want to be judged as attractive, friendly, honest, strong, wise and to have many of the other qualities that I have striven to exemplify. I feel that if I’m seen this way, I’m doing a good job as a person because these are qualities that everyone strives for. I found that I worked very hard to appear to be this “flawless” person at the expense of being a “real” person. I would hide or ignore my “undesirable” traits and chide myself for having them. The problem with that approach is that I always felt as if I had a darkness in me that would always be there and always deny me peace. Lazy, fearful, hateful, selfish… If someone saw one of these traits, I would proclaim “Don’t judge me!” with a passion driven from the horror of being seen as the opposite of who I was trying be. Seeing the part of me that I hated. An interesting side effect of this way of thinking was that I was VERY quick to condemn people whom I judged to have these “negative” traits.

I’ve come to realize that I am the sum of my parts and that sum is good. Through my laziness, I learned to appreciate the results of hard work and a job well done. Through my fear, I learned there was nothing to be afraid of. Through my hate, I found the value and limitlessness of love. Through my selfishness, I learned the joy of giving. I could go on and on but my point is that every single experience that I’ve had, good or bad, has made me what I am today. I found that the practice of loving 100% of myself has brought peace and joy to my life. I still have bouts of judgment but my rule for myself and all people now is to love first, judge second.



2 thoughts on “Don’t Judge Me!

  1. do you mean “judge” in the verb sense or noun sense?
    As I often find that our “common” use of words do not illustrate the depth of our actual meaning:
    for example to “arrive at a conclusion based on evidence or reasoning” does not sound like “judgement” in the actual sense of the words’ meaning(s): that said I personally don’t care what others think about me and continue onward with my wit and passions well in tact not to mention a very high level of self respect: these traits though ostensibly mistaken for narcissism render outside evaluation; (when one truly believes in one’s self) ludicrous: by no means demeaning though of little to no importance…
    when you believe in yourself; do so with aplomb and a good heart then no one is capable of “judging” you; does this make sense to you? it does to me so I don’t mind if no one “get’s it”! Eck

    • Hi Eric,

      The road to self-worth has many paths. Apparently, your path was the birth canal…lol Seriously though, this is just my story of how I’m coming to see myself in a different way. As your baby brother, I have always envied you for your strong sense of who you are. It’s something that’s taken me quite a while to cultivate for myself. I appreciate the journey, though.

      Oh, and I meant “judge” as a verb and I choose it for that exact meaning. 🙂

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